I love November. I love seeing all those posts that people share about being Thankful. We have much to be thankful for. I have made running lists in the past, sometimes daily posts about being thankful for the month of November but this year much of our time is consumed with many doctor visits and it is hard to keep up with everything that needs to be done. If you have read my blog for any length of time you know that we have adopted three of our five kids and they have special needs. One of them seems to struggle more than the others and yes here we go again with this child, a new trial. I call it a trial because the bottom line is I know God has this. This child has always overcome and I believe this is no different. The doctors have told us there is something wrong with his liver. Much testing and many doctors are involved – hence all the time spent at the doctors offices. He has missed a lot of school, there have been weeks when we are at a lab or doctors’ office three out of five days! If his tests on the first week of December don’t look better, they will do a liver biopsy on him. Because my children have special needs and are adopted I never post their names online but God knows who he is so if you choose to say a prayer for my boy I would deeply appreciate it. I am confident that this child will yet again triumph over what was done to him in the womb.
I am sharing today my first bible journaling page – it took me a while to get over the idea of drawing in the bible, I had to get a new bible specifically for this purpose. I think it’s a good thing, the whole time you spend creating, you are meditating on that word. Since November is National Adoption Awareness Month I picked out this scripture for that purpose. I am thankful for my family – it doesn’t matter how it comes together~ adoption, blended families, close friends that are just as much family as blood – family is family and I am blessed to have them in my life. You should be thankful for family too!
I don’t know what it is inside us (or maybe outside us) that leads to self doubt. I mean honestly it takes one negative comment or action to blow you out of the water. You are moving right along, doing what you do and for me that is pretty happy. I love what I do, I am gifted for what I do and I am called to do what I do. And then someone says something and you get hit with self doubt. Why do I let it bother me? Even when I know where it is coming from, it’s hard not to take it personal; sometimes it can be a form of rejection- you are trying for something and the answer is no, or you don’t get and answer right away. Sometimes its a comment that someone made (not even meaning to be negative) but you take it personally. And sometimes people are just mean and rude and say things they really shouldn’t say. In your mind you know that it’s not personal (although sometimes it is and usually that is the last person you should listen to) but your spirit gets crushed and it’s so hard to not let that self doubt in even when you know you are doing what you do best.
How do I know that?
1. Because it is natural for me to do what I do – it’s not something that I find difficult, I am constantly learning more about it because I love it, love learning about it. The desire is in my heart and when I am not doing it, I am thinking about it, planning my next project and looking forward to it.
2. Because it speaks to others – I get emails and people tell me in person how they are blessed by what I do. It encourages them to do what they do. It encourages them to be creative! (even if they don’t leave comments!LOL) I love that and it is affirmation that what I do is important and I am doing what I was made to do.
3. Because God put this desire in me early- this is something I have always done in one form or another. I know some people find their calling later in life but that has not been the case for me, it has always been a natural extension of who I am. I was made for this and it fills a desire in my heart.
4. Because it calms me – I live a pretty crazy life! I have a mom with Alzheimers, 5 kids – 3 with special needs. And that is my base line for everything I do. So when I get to create I take that opportunity. My hubby is awesome and made sure I had my own studio in our home – a place where I can be creative and go there quickly ! If I only have a little bit of time, I don’t have to waste time driving someplace and I have enough space where all my kids can come in and talk to me while I create or they can come in and create something too.
So what’s my problem? Myself. My self doubt, I know we all deal with it and sometimes we have to remind ourselves who we are, how we are bent and why we do what we do.
I think about when I buy a present for a friend, I think about the person I am buying for and try to find the perfect present. How much more precious are the gifts that God gives us? Whatever your gifts are, they were given to you with purpose in mind, special just for you. So who are we to doubt our calling? Who gives others the right to judge it? You can’t control others but you can keep doing what you do best regardless of what others think. Don’t let self doubt keep you from doing what you love. Keep on doing what you do peeps.
Rita Barakat Mixed Media Artist, Illustrator and Designer & Educator. From wall murals to itty bitty minis you can find her work in various hospitals, corporations, family homes, manufacture websites and magazines. She designs for Faber-Castell Design Memory Craft®,The Crafters Workshop, DCWV, Deflecto, ColourArte and freelances for a variety of manufacturers